I realize my daughter is not physically here but in spirit, in memory, and in my hopes and dreams she is. I hurt when I see her counted out. I know that it may have been to keep from upsetting me. Right now, no one knows how to approach me. And, I get that. I may or may not know how to approach a grieving mother that is one day thankful to have met her little girl and the next day she is a pissed off mess. Still, I need Claire to be included. No one is going to have a bond with her like I do. I'm her mother, and she lived inside me. She heard my heartbelt, heard me sing, felt my emotions, and knew my schedule. She knew me and I knew her. She sees me and I envision her.
The rest of the day I just kept thinking about that missing basket. I am good at pulling it together when need be. I mean, I have to work, I have to move forward, and I have to do what I can to heal. Basket or not, if it is all up to just me....she will be remembered.
We did, however, make it to the cemetery to take her butterfly balloon. Her brother, Darrell, came along and wanted to tell her hello. We left the balloon and changed her flag from Happy Easter to Forever in our Hearts. When we drove off, Darrell looked over at her grave and said "Bye baby Claire." My heart sank. I don't think it will ever float again.
I have tears in my eyes reading this. I know how you feel. I think my family is starting to forget about my boys and they are not being included in family events. Its this sinking, heavy feeling. I plan on telling my family that they need to include Ben and Conner or don't even bother including me. I know that is harsh, but its how I feel. I hope that you can find a way to tell your family how you feel about Claire being included in family events.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way. Include Claire or leave me out too. Her and your boys can see us and they need to see that they are loved. When their family members get to heaven, they need to know that they cared for them.
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