Claire Bear of Mine: Picnicking with Claire

Yesterday, my husband and I decided that after I got off work we would pick Claire up some flowers, and some dinner, some chairs and go have a picnic with her. It was a beautiful sunny day, a little chilly, but the breeze, the sun, the blue sky and the clouds just floating by brought me so much relief while we visited her. We also recently placed her message board there so people who visit can leave her a message.

It seemed like she was there. I talked to her and I had this overwhelming feeling that she was there watching, listening, and calming me. I brought out a jar with chalk so that visitors can write to her. We left a nice note ourselves.

It's a small world. On my way to see Claire, I stopped at Walmart (a.k.a. money sucking store), and bought her a bouquet of flowers. When I was checking out, the cashier asked me how I was. I said I was fine. Then I thought to myself, "That is a lie, I am not fine". I guess I said it out loud. She then asked me to tell her why I wasn't fine. I responded with, "I could tell you but then you will probably wish that I didn't". She said "Go ahead and let it out". I pointed at Claire's flowers and said, "I am taking those to my daughter's grave". She said the normal "I'm so sorry". But then she asked where Claire was buried. I paused, not sure if I wanted to say and then told her. Turns out her sister is buried three rows up in the same section as Claire. Her sister passed away at seventeen. She died in a car accident. I got the name and my husband went looking for the grave. He found it just steps away from Claire. In a world of nearly 8 billion people, it just seems so small at times. This was one of those times.

We ate with our daughter. Just us. As we left I blew her a kiss. And I cried.

Here are some picnic photos.